


Maca and Mugwort Mishaps

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: But Pre-established Pining, Crowley is a Little Shit, Dubious Consent, Fuck Or Die, Multi, No Pre-established Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8408935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Sam, Dean, and Cas have an awkward morning when they wake up in the wrong bodies.  It gets worse when they find out why.  Hits rock bottom when they find out how to fix it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt from Daily Supernatural Prompts: http://dailyspnprompts.tumblr.com/post/145630212777/m-wincestiel-oneshot
> 
> "Sam, Dean and Cas get threeway body swapped with each other and the only way to fix it is to have a… threeway."

Something was wrong. Sam could feel it when he woke up. He didn’t know what, exactly, but it was not good. He got to his feet and shook his head. That didn’t feel right, and when he reached up to touch it, he realized one problem: his hair was much shorter. “What the…” He stopped at the sound of his voice. It wasn’t his. It was Castiel’s. “Well. This is awkward.” He had to find Castiel and figure out how to swap back before Dean found him. He couldn’t handle being trapped in Cas’s body while Dean was around what he thought was his boyfriend.

 

Dean couldn’t remember drinking enough to get him this hung over. He only remembered two beers. That wasn’t enough to make him forget the rest, either. So this was either some bizarre dream, or they’d been whammied somehow. He reached up to rub his eyes, and stopped in shock as the long hair fell in his face. He hadn’t had long hair since he was five years old. He reached up and ran his fingers through it. It felt natural, like his own hair. Then he caught sight of the hand. The scars were familiar. Somehow, he was in Sam’s body. He had to find Sam.

 

Castiel didn’t remember switching vessels, and he couldn’t imagine Dean giving him permission to take him. He reached out, searching in his mind for Dean’s presence, but couldn’t find it. He seemed to be alone in the vessel. That couldn’t be right. He’d remember if Dean had been reaped. He wondered what happened to his old vessel, the one created for him based on Jimmy’s form. He’d come to think of it as his own, a gift from Jimmy when he was reaped to Heaven. After his rebellion, it felt as much his true form as his angelic one, and it was a form his closest friends could perceive safely. Sam could probably help him figure out what had happened to Dean. If Sam would speak to him on discovering that Castiel was using Dean as a vessel.

 

Dean was coming. Sam could see him down the hall. He panicked. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anywhere he could run. Instead, he hid in a corner of the library. It was the best plan he had.

“Sam?” Dean looked around the library. “Sam, where are you? Something’s gone very weird and I need your help to put it right.”

It didn’t sound like Dean. If anything, it sounded like Cas. That made no sense, but Sam couldn’t hide forever. He came out of the corner. “Something’s weird, all right. Listen, I’m not Cas.”

“I know you aren’t.” Dean tilted his head much like Castiel would. “Sam? How did you end up in my vessel?”

“Cas?” Sam closed his eyes and breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Thank God. I have no idea. I was hoping you’d know and could… fix it.”

“I’m not sure. I can get back into that vessel, but you would still be in there as well, and it would leave Dean empty.” Castiel took a seat at a table. “I suppose this means that Dean’s consciousness is in your body? Or there are others involved.”

“Who else would be?” Sam came out to join Cas.

“Crowley, perhaps. I hope not. I shudder to think what he would do with your body.” Sam suppressed the flinch. “What’s the last thing you remember before waking up in there?”

“Dean and I had a beer while we watched the game, and then I went to bed. Woke up out here in your body. What about you?”

“I was out here, working on translating some of the German texts for you. Dean offered me a beer, I accepted it, he went to bed. The next thing I knew I was in his vessel.” Castiel looked at himself. “Sam, I promise you, we will get Dean back in here somehow. We’ll figure this out.”

Sam ducked his head. Of course. Castiel was worried about Dean. Once he’d shaken off the hurt, he looked back up. “Maybe there was something in the beer. We both had some, I know Dean had a couple. I wonder if there’s any left. I’ll go check that out, if you want to go see if you can find Dean.”

“Sam.” Castiel reached out and caught Sam’s hand. “Are you all right?”

“Aside from whatever the hell’s going on here? Yeah, Cas, I’m fine.” Sam forced a smile that was almost genuine. “Go find Dean. Make sure he’s in my body and we don’t need to be looking for someone else, and keep him from doing anything too stupid with it.”

 

Castiel watched Sam go with a puzzled frown. Something was bothering Sam, and he wasn’t talking. He shook his head. He had a job to do: find Dean. He reached out, searching for Dean’s soul, and let it lead him to Sam’s room. He was not prepared to walk in on Dean in Sam’s body not wearing any pants and examining himself in the mirror.

“Shit! Didn’t I teach you to knock?” Dean jumped and turned around. “Sammy? That you?”

“No. I’m Castiel. Sam is currently inhabiting my vessel.” Castiel tilted his head, staring at Dean curiously. “Why should Sam expect to have to knock when walking into his own room?”

Dean flushed and grabbed the clothing off Sam’s bed. “You’re not Sam, and I know we’ve had the talk about knocking. And staring, for that matter. Sam may not mind, but I do. Go away. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Castiel stepped out and shut the door, a bit flustered. Dean’s soul in Sam’s body was far more attractive than it should be. He wondered if it would be the same, Sam’s soul in Dean’s body. Mostly likely, yes.

Dean came out and slammed the door. “Okay. What the hell, Cas?”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Not that.” Dean gestured between them. “Why are we in the wrong bodies? Is Sammy in yours?”

“Oh. Yes. Sam thinks there may have been something in the beer.” Castiel started back to the library. “Do you remember anything between going to bed and waking up in Sam’s body?”

“Nope.” Dean caught Cas’s arm and held him back. “Hey. You, uh… you mind not telling Sam what you saw? All I was doing was…”

“I’ll keep your secret. I don’t need to know what you were doing.” Part of Castiel wanted to scream at Dean, point out just how often Sam had been taken advantage of, but he couldn’t convince himself that he wouldn’t have taken the opportunity to look, either, had the idea occurred to him. As it was, he was now sorely tempted to slip off for a few minutes. It was only fair.

 

Sam had the last beer from the six-pack out on the table, along with some wilted plants. Dean picked one up and smirked. “Sam, I know you’re a giant girl, but flowers?”

“Oh, thank god.” Sam jumped up and hugged Dean. “Holy crap. This is weird, hugging someone bigger than me.”

It wasn’t exactly the same, but it was nice, being able to wrap Sam up like he had when they were kids. Couldn’t say that, though. Not out loud. “Now you know what we deal with all the time.” Dean sat on the table. “What’s with the plants?”

“They were in the bottom of the six-pack. I’m trying to look them up, figure out what they are.” Sam went back to his computer.

Castiel came over to the table and picked up one of the plants. “This is maca. It’s Peruvian. It’s often used as a mineral supplement or an aphrodisiac.”

“Well. Aphrodisiac, beer, I can see the connection there.” Dean picked up another maca plant. “Probably doesn’t have anything to do with the body swap, though, right?”

“No, but…” Castiel stared thoughtfully at the plant.

Sam held up a different plant. “I recognized the mugwort, of course. It’s supposed to be used to ward off evil, but obviously it’s defective.” He tossed it back on the table and took up another one. “This one’s salvia. It says that salvia’s used for vision quests and stuff like that. Legal in some states. Not Kansas, but you could get some in, say, New Mexico easily enough.”

“So we’ve got vision quests, evil warding, and aphrodisiacs.” Dean tapped his fingers on the table. “If we think of the maca as boosting power, makes sense, doesn’t it? Mugwort to keep demons out while we’re swapping around.”

“Mugwort’s also used in scrying, sometimes, so maybe it’s there to help us find where to go.” Sam rolled the salvia he was holding between his fingers. “Any thoughts on how to fix it?”

“Finish off that last beer?” Dean suggested.

Castiel shook his head. “That would be just as likely to send us to the other wrong body as to put us back where we belong. And we wouldn’t be able to examine it for further ingredients or spellwork.”

“Great. You got a way to figure out the spellwork, genius?” Dean threw the maca plant he was holding on the table.

Castiel picked up the beer. “Witches leave traces of themselves in their materials. If I can… there. The witch who cast this spell is Evelyn Garner. She’s…” Castiel went blank. “Warded against angels. I can’t find her.”

“Great. No, that’s awesome, Cas. We know the witch’s name.” Dean ignored Castiel’s glare. If they couldn’t find her anyway, what did it matter what her name was?

He’d forgotten to take his nerd brother into account, though. Sam grinned. “Well, knowing her name and that she was close enough to get the herbs into beer that ended up with us… I found her blog. She’s a Harry Potter fan, the password to get into the real witch stuff was pomonasprout. And here we go…” Sam started losing color as he read. “You’re not going to like this.”

Dean came over and leaned over Sam’s shoulder to read. He let out a snort. “Well, at least she knows whose bad side she’s gotten on.” He kept reading. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“I know. That is… I’m looking forward to ganking her.”

Cas gave them both an annoyed look. “What is it?”

“According to Evelyn, there’s only one way to fix this. We, um…” Sam turned the laptop toward Cas. Dean couldn’t blame him. He didn’t want to say it either.

Cas read it. “I see. Another explanation for the maca, then.” He reached out, scrolling down. “There’s more. We have twelve hours, or the foxtail will kick in. The two of you will die.” Castiel paused. “Less than four hours remaining, I believe.”

“You seem pretty okay with this,” Dean said. Probably not something new for Sam and Cas, aside from Dean being involved. But Dean felt really awkward about joining in. For one thing, Sam was his brother.

“I am not ‘okay’ with being forced to participate in the rape of my friends.” Dean wanted to find whoever taught Cas about finger quotes and slap them. “But getting angry about it now won’t help anything. I’m saving my anger for the person who deserves it.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Rape’s a little… strong… don’t you think?”

“Your choices are sex or death. I think rape is exactly the right word. It’s just not me or Dean that’s responsible for it. It’s Evelyn, using us.”

Dean agreed with Sam, but he couldn't really argue with Cas's logic. “You’re not gonna die, though. You can…”

Cas glared at him. “Letting you and Sam die when there’s something I can do to prevent it is never an option, Dean. You know that. And I have to be involved, or it won’t work.”

“Where are we gonna do this? May as well get it over with so we can get on with hunting this witch.” Sam closed up his laptop and got to his feet. “Do you guys… we’re gonna… do we need to get anything from the store first?”

“I’ve got condoms, if that’s what you’re asking, Sammy. Come on, you know that.” Dean backed away a little. “So if you’ve got lube… I’ll just go get those. Where am I meeting you?”

“My room. If…" Sam looked between the two. "Is that okay with you two?”

Cas nodded. “I’ll get the lube and meet you there.”

 

Sam couldn’t decide if he should go ahead and strip while waiting for the others, or not. He was very glad they’d agreed to use his room. He saw Castiel’s point about this, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d been fantasizing about getting to join Dean and Castiel for a while now. And this was about the only way he’d ever get to touch Dean, even if he did join them under other circumstances. He’d talked to a psychiatrist once, a long time ago, and he’d been somewhat sympathetic. Then Cas came along, and Sam had been able to shove his hopeless love for Dean under the hopeless love for Dean’s angel. When Crowley told him about Dean and Cas’s relationship, Sam took it well. There was a lot of eyerolling and of course they are, but if they were both happy, then that’s what mattered most to Sam.

 

Dean had no idea how he was going to do this. Taking care of Sam was so deeply ingrained, he didn’t know how to make Sam watch while his boyfriend slept with his brother. Sex with Sam wasn’t bad. He’d prefer it not to be like this, but on the other hand, this kind of forced them past the incest freakout. Hard to care about that when there was a death threat hanging over your head. Be awkward with Sam’s boyfriend right there, but since Cas didn’t seem bothered by the idea, Dean wasn’t going to worry about it. He just hoped that neither of them caught on that he’d been fantasizing about this for years. Dean grabbed the condoms and headed for Sam’s room.

Sam was there, with his shoes and socks off, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. Cas wasn’t back yet. “Good god, how far did Cas have to go? I’d have thought he’d be here almost as quickly as you.”

“How would I know?” Sam pulled his feet up on the bed and tucked them under himself. “You don’t keep it in the same place you keep the condoms?”

“What?”

“I mean, I guess, angel powers, maybe you don’t need it, but…”

Dean took a seat on the corner of the bed to get his shoes off. “Sam, what the hell? You think I’ve been sleeping with Cas?”

“Well, yeah…” Sam spun to face Dean. “I don’t know why you and Cas haven’t said anything to me, but it’s okay. I know. You don’t… you don’t have to lie to me or hide from me. Crowley told me.”

“Crowley…” Dean shook his head. “Okay, first off, what the hell are you doing believing _Crowley_ of all people?”

Sam sighed. “It’s not like I hadn’t suspected already. He just confirmed it.”

“And how could you think I’d do that to you? Okay, yes, now, but there’s serious extenuating circumstances. And you’re just gonna take that from Cas? He cheats on you, and you suck it up and let him?” Dean shook his head. “What the hell is wrong with you, Sammy?”

“What? Cheat on…" Sam shook his head a couple times. "What are you talking about, Dean?”

“You! I’m gonna hurt Cas if I find out he’s actually cheating on you, but you? Just sitting back and dealing with it? I don’t get you, Sam.”

 

Castiel apparently arrived at an opportune moment. Just in time to hear Dean accuse him of cheating on Sam. “What did I miss?”

Both Winchesters jumped. Sam recovered first. “I have no idea. I’m lost here.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Sam here is taking Crowley’s word for it that you’re cheating on him with me. Why, I don’t know. Why he didn’t confront us, I don’t know. I know it ain’t with me, but are you cheating on him?”

Castiel looked back and forth between the two. “I don’t know what I’ve done that would make either of you think I would start a romantic or sexual relationship with the other without insisting that you be informed about it, but you’re both idiots. This will be my first time with both of you. Sam, I don’t know what Crowley said or why, but I’m not with Dean. Dean, I am not cheating on Sam, nor would I ever. Does that help?”

“Crowley probably said it to stir up trouble. _It’s Crowley_.” Castiel found he couldn’t argue Dean’s point. Stirring up trouble was indeed what Crowley did best.

“It just makes so much sense, I mean, you two have that profound bond and I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I’m all for it. I can’t bow out of this one, but if you two wanna keep going afterwards…” Sam gave a casual shrug and faked a grin. “Have fun.”

“Sam, you are so full of shit right now.” Dean reached over and slapped the back of Sam’s head. “What, have you missed the way Cas looks at you? And you know damn well you’re in love with him. Dunno if Cas is the one person on this planet who it isn’t obvious to or he’s choosing to ignore it for some reason, but Claire asked me how long you’ve been together. Wanted to know if Jimmy was still in there at the time.”

“Yeah, when Jimmy was reaped Cas was just barely starting to think maybe he was wrong about me,” Sam said. “But Dean, how I feel doesn’t matter. The two of you…”

“You both want to be with me?” This was news to Castiel. It didn’t change the fact that with Winchesters, their brother came first. There was nothing Cas could do or say to change that, nor would he try.

“Yeah, but I’d rather see Sammy happy than…” “I’m not going to try to get in Dean’s way…”

The Winchesters both cut off, staring at each other. Castiel sat on the bed between them. “I know I promised that I would never cheat on either of you, but it’s not cheating if you’re… your language lacks a good term for it. If you were both…”

“It’s not cheating if we know you’re doing it and say go for it?” Sam suggested.

“Exactly.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Sam?” Dean asked. Sam nodded.

Castiel smiled. While he would hardly claim to be happy with the witch’s actions, he wasn’t going to complain about the fallout. “Good. Now. How do we make this work?”

**Author's Note:**

> I took on this prompt specifically to try to force myself to write some porn. That was in June. I have not added to this since June. I don't think the porn is going to happen.
> 
> Comments make me... very happy.


End file.
